you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
