i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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