Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
