FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
