Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
