i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
jump out the window naked night went bad
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