Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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