i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
