I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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