I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
