someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
