i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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