i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize