I wish my penis had an off switch
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
