somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
