I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
