no, he came in my armpit
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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