I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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