Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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