Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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