Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
