After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
