true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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