So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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