Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
