yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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