Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
