Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
