now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
