That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
