I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
