Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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