So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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