so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
