I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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