About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
