Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
