she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
