Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
