The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
