I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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