i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
