I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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