I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
