Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
