Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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