I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
