Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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