her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
