sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Can I color on your dick again?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
