I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
