I feel great
I just peed on a car
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
