the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
