Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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