just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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