I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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