this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize