your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
