masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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