NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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