all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the day after is always just damage control
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
