it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
