Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
