Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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