YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
