Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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