At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
